While I love to laugh and joke around, I’ve been through a bit of a rough patch lately. I’ve been feeling isolated and introspective. Today I spoke with a dear friend, who confided in me their feeling of hopelessness. They asked me, “how is it that you’re able to continue to love and be open to love with all that you’ve been through?” I get asked this question a lot. People call me“strong” and “brave” frequently. These things are just not true.
Often, I feel weak. Sometimes I hate who I am, the cards I’ve been dealt and I just want to fold. I can empathize with those who have given up. Pain is utterly exhausting. Everyone who’s ever been in love or suffered loss knows just how exhausting it can be. It drains you dry, and for a brief while, you even forget who you are. I’ve resorted to escapism and missed out on opportunities, losing periods of time. I’ve been through just about everything under the sun and survived. This is not an entry about pain however, this is an entry about hope.
My friend said to me, “When I do get into a relationship, I put everything I have into it, and when it ends I feel like I’ve lost a piece of myself. I don’t want to lose any more pieces. I’m a hard enough puzzle as it is”. Suddenly, it clicked. I felt sorrow at the realization that this is how so many people view relationships and love.
I don’t believe you’re losing a piece of yourself, but rather gaining a piece through them. You are bettering yourself and making yourself more beautiful through learning and knowledge. Every person you meet, whether they bring pain or pleasure or both, brings lessons with them. No one has the power to destroy you, except for you. Although, every person you meet has the ability to make you better, even when they seek to destroy the foundation of you. I am not a woman of faith, but I do believe in an altered version of fate. Instead of being “meant to find someone”, I believe we experience different types of people that come into our lives to make us stronger. Every relationship we have, whether it be romantic, a family member, or a friendship forces us to grow into someone who’s just a little more ready for the one that’s going to love every part of you.
A puzzle piece has grooves, edges, and rounded circles. Every piece is completely unique to the entire puzzle. When we are born, I think we’re born as perfect squares. We are completely unmolded and we have no say as to where we will fit into life. Every positive event adds a rounded circle and every negative event adds a groove. I believe the goal is to find where you fit as well as meet those who help to fulfill your life along the way. This, to me, is our journey of self- discovery.
Why do people love to solve puzzles? They spend money on a task that is utterly frustrating and time consuming. They spend hours solving something with no guarantee of completion. Sometimes, we suffer through unpleasant feelings such as boredom and repetition, all for what? The knowledge that in the end, when we finally do solve the puzzle, we followed through on something. You’re a champion in even overcoming the smallest task. You’ve transformed through learning and solving that task so you can be ready for the next one. How you view the world is a choice, and this is mine.
Life is beautifully damaged, just like all of us.